Wheelchair Wallflower

Being in a wheelchair and having anxiety isn’t very fun. I hate people always walking on eggshells around me and that my mere presence in a room instantly makes people uncomfortable. Some are uncomfortable the entire time you’re there. So you try to stay away from most things just because you don’t want to make anyone feel bad. I don’t like attention and that’s an overflow of constant attention right there. It’s impossible to be a wallflower in a wheelchair.

I am very aware that my very existence is a burden. No matter how much anyone says I’m not a burden, I’m not stupid. I know how much people help me and I really appreciate that but I still feel bad. Going anywhere makes things more difficult for the people I care about. So I’m less likely to do things to spare my friends. Most people just assume that I prefer being alone. I miss out on so many things because I’m in a wheelchair.

People think inclusiveness is mostly ramps and widened doors but it’s much more. Every time I go out, kids will be mesmerized and I love that curiosity but at the same time I’m sad that it isn’t a normal sight. The world is so much less inclusive mentally that people just hide away.

Even the physical, people often try to get around the mandates. Don’t think that just because there are laws, people always follow them. Do you know how many stores, businesses and even drs offices I have had trouble getting into or couldn’t at all? Many businesses have a garbage ramp leading to an overcrowded storage room or garbage room in back which is so fun! Try to keep your head up while being treated like actual garbage. But as long as they have one, it’s ok. Horrible way to treat a human being.

When I go most places, I look at the houses. Normally people admire certain things or look to get ideas. I can’t help but look for ways that I would be able to get inside. I’m sure a few houses may have other doors that might be accessible but on average, only about 5 out of 500 houses have ramps or level entrances. It would be nice to be treated like everyone else and use the same door. I don’t like to cause people to have to rearrange furniture or move things. Definitely not great for someone who hates attention. Plus, everyone is likely going to need an accessible entrance eventually or knows a few people who need it now. If people only thought ahead while they could afford it instead of needing it in the future and not being able to afford it.

There are strangers who’s faces just soften when they see you, there are some who rush over to help, etc…. but then there are some people who are so uncomfortable that people like me exist that they basically act like I’m invisible. I get so confused by this. I completely understand growing up not seeing people like me and feeling really uncomfortable for awhile but when someone doesn’t eventually make any effort, it speaks of their intellect. If I was sitting on a chair or couch, I’d be ok? 🤷

If anyone is with me, most people will talk to them instead of me. People will ask them what I want, instead of asking me. It’s not a great feeling but I completely understand that many children aren’t brought up around disabled people and aren’t sure how to act. This is nobody’s fault. It’s just an unfortunate way of life right now. I hope it changes one day.

Up to 1 in 4 (27 percent) adults in the United States have some type of disability.
That’s just adults and only what is reported ~ we all know people who won’t go to the dr. but should. Including those people and children, probably 50-75% of the population have some sort of disability. How often do you see physically disabled people in day to day public places? Do you know how many people break their leg and avoid most things for weeks? Because EVERYTHING is harder. It makes me so sad to think of all of the disabled people stuck inside because the world isn’t very inclusive and it’s difficult to go anywhere. Most disabled people would greatly benefit from being outdoors or having social interactions too.

I exercise daily and most days, I go do some laps around my side street. Exercise is great, fresh air is great but the best part is meeting my neighbors. Some great people! You don’t realize how amazing a simple human interaction can be until you rarely have them. Being disabled makes people keep their distance from you. I was watching a show and this boy told his cousin- I liked it better when you were ostrich sized (ostracized 😂)