Life can drastically change in an instant

Life can drastically change in an instant.

October 2008-

I’d been feeling sick for awhile. Headaches, neck aches, nausea, extreme fatigue, etc….
One day I just collapsed. My daughter called my sister who called an ambulance. I was in a coma and don’t remember the ambulance, paramedics or anything after collapsing. I was given a 30% chance to live.

I was put in the ICU. I remember imagining being taken care of by dolphins & peacefully living with them. When the Drs came, I felt like they took me out of that tranquillity, onto their boat where everything was cold and painful. I had a couple of spinal taps & confirmed it was meningococcal encephalitis & MRI’S showed a lesion on my brain.

They couldn’t get my fever down or stop the brain and spine swelling. I have tons of IV scars. The prolonged use kept collapsing my veins and the many antibiotics were in a race with my illness to see who could win and it was like a tied game that went into many extra innings. Eventually all my veins were unusable so a Dr had to come scalpel and stitch a central IV into my neck. I was really shaky back then and after one failed attempt, he warned me to stay very still while he did it or it could kill me. It was terrifying and nobody was there to hold my hand or talk to me. Just a dark empty room no tv or anything to focus on.

They put me on ice mats because the fever wouldn’t go down. It was kind of a race between one thing that was gonna either kill or be killed & strong antibiotics that could either kill this disease or kill me. Good thing I’m so stubborn 😁

When I first woke up, I couldn’t move much besides my head. After awhile, people came to put me in a chair everyday. At first, it was really hard for my body to tolerate that for more than ten minutes but got longer every day. It’s awful suddenly not being able to even sit in a chair.

I wasn’t eating but it wasn’t because I couldn’t. It was because it was disgusting!
Hospital food is already terrible & now they blended it up into a drink and expect me to consume it? NO THANKS!

I specifically told everyone that I didn’t want a feeding tube but they all lied and did it anyway.
I was partially awake and felt everything! Torture!
I was so mad at all of this! I was crying and trying to rip it out so they strapped my arms down. It was horrible!

When the infection was gone and I was getting nutrition, they could remove the central IV & granted me to a short term rehabilitation facility.
I went to RUSK in Manhattan.
I couldn’t even sit unaided. I rarely had visitors because it was far for everyone.
I spent my birthday and Christmas alone. Not even a call.
My sisters came awhile after & showed me a video of my children having Christmas. The first of us not together.
Tears streamed down my face and my sister sternly said – stop or I’ll stop the video and never take more! She never took more.

I developed a blood clot in my lung so I had to get painful blood thinner shots in my stomach four times a day. It made every little cut or bruise dangerous so that halted therapy. Therapy was working towards freedom & being with my children. I fought very hard to get better for my kids. They were my world. If not for them, there were so many times I would’ve just given up.

They eventually put me in a reclining wheelchair & put me in a line, by the nurses station with other patients. For hours. Nothing to look at except the mean aides.
Both facilities that I went to were very nice and the therapists were awesome but most aides were really mean! The people taking care of us. We spent a little time in therapy (about 2 hours) but the majority of the time is spent with some very awful people that can really hurt any progress you’ve made.

Family, friends, aides, etc….need to understand that these are some of the hardest & scariest times for patients & that we depend on you for care & comfort. You have the power to make a huge difference in that person’s life. Either in a good or bad way.

The therapists eventually got me walking with a chest high walker, with a lot of straps & homemade additions.

I had to choose a long term facility. I had nobody helping me choose or go look at these places so I just chose one closest to my kids because they were my world and seeing them would definitely help my progress.

I was transferred there and immediately put on so much medication that I didn’t need by Dr I never even met. When I asked why, they said it was standard there. I guess that they wanted zombies that were easy to handle. Pretty sure that’s illegal.

While there, my sister had me sign papers telling me it was for insurance reasons for my daughter and made me feel guilty. She knew how to persuade me because she knew I’d do anything for my kids. It was a power of attorney. She forged a bank card & wiped out over $10,000 plus collected over a year of child support-illegal. Everything I saved for my 2 girls. She eventually sold or threw out everything we owned (pictures, memories, etc..) Even my car. Also while in this facility, I was served custody papers. That was like a knife in my heart. Who does that?! Kicking me when I’m down. It especially hurts when it’s someone you love and trust.

I feared what might happen with my children and unfortunately it was much worse.

After a few months in this facility they asked my mother to take me. I was so happy to be getting released but it was like she couldn’t answer fast enough and said no way! There’s no room for her! Broke my heart. Those words constantly replay in my head. I absolutely hated it there & because of that, instead of a few months, I was left to rot there for four years. It killed me inside.

So many terrible things happened there. I was hit because I was shaking so bad and my leg didn’t go into my pants the right way. I was drugged, cursed at, stolen from, neglected, things broken or thrown out. I was nearly raped by a fill in night doctor.

So I contacted every official or agency I could & eventually found a program that would help me get out.

I’ve now lived here almost ten years and most of my family has never even been here or even know my address. No cards, letters, etc….My own mother has never even been here or sent a birthday card. Even people’s neighbors get Christmas cards!

There’s a few family and friends from several other states that have taken their time to come see me but not many who live twenty minutes away. I have a treasured friend and his family who are always there when I need them and always doing things for me and they’ll never be words good enough to explain how grateful I am for that. Another great friend, who lives in another state, sends me cards for every holiday and my favorite are the ones for no reason except to say hi. Those cards really brighten my world! My older sister and her family, from such a distance, make feel very loved. She’s the one who kept encouraging me to write this.
There’s an amazing, loving girl who texts me often & I don’t think she realizes how much those texts mean to me! She’s a busy teenager with school, many sports, friends, boyfriend, a job, etc…. I remember that time and how special it is to stop & think of someone else. It really means a lot to me!

I try not to waste much time on people who have wronged me & focus on the awesome people in my life.

Too many people take others for granted but are sad and full of regrets when they go, so remember to make the most of today because tomorrow is never a certainty. Just think about everyone you know- if they died tomorrow, would you be satisfied with the things you did or said to them?